Series: Wisdom That Works
Message: Sexy Wisdom
Preacher: Mark Johnson
Reflection: Mark Witas
Live Wonder: Zan Long
Live Adventure: Jessyka Dooley
Live Beyond: J. Murdock
Live Purpose: Kyle Smith
Editor: Becky De Oliveira

Refresh: Begin with prayer. Ask for the Holy Spirit to open your heart to new understanding and for God’s character to be revealed.

Read: Proverbs 5:1-23 in the Complete Jewish Bible (CJB). Note 1–3 insights or questions. 

Reflect: “Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers” (Proverbs 5:15-17).

I love metaphor. I love when people share writings or speeches that have meaning hidden behind meaning that’s around the corner and through a door—where the reader or listener discovers even more hidden meaning. This may be why I love the book of Revelation so much. Its hidden meanings, its poetic writing, and its metaphors are rich with complexity. 

In Proverbs 5:15-17, the wisdom writer is not suggesting that we be stingy with our water. He’s not suggesting that we not share our resources with others. In the context of the subject matter at hand, he’s suggesting that we not share the intimacy that only belongs to our life partner. We are not to share the affections and intimacies that are pledged to our betrothed with those to whom we are not betrothed.

Today’s culture seems to lean toward sexual openness and sharing. Men and women are like hummingbirds hopping from flower to flower, with little discretion. This, of course, has produced a country that is morally bankrupt, and husbands and wives who have become emotionally unavailable. Trust, in relationships, is at a premium. 

There’s nothing quite like the heartbreak of rejection. In my 35 years of pastoring there is nothing harder to stomach than a broken man or woman—broken by the rejection of adultery. 

We are not called to share our affections with those to whom we are not betrothed. 

I love my wife. I also know the temptation to wander in my love commitment to her. I had been married for about five years when my sister asked me to come and be a hand model at her beautician school. I was happy to oblige, mostly because it would give me an excuse to get a free manicure. 

After she worked on my hands, her supervisor, a woman in her mid-twenties (my same age) came to inspect my sister’s work. 

She was an attractive young lady and quite engaging. As she examined my sister’s work, she kept holding my hands (which I thought was normal, considering what she was examining) but, instead of looking at my hands, she was looking at my eyes. Finally, she said, “I’d love to go to coffee with you sometime.” 

I was jolted back into reality. I really had no clue things were going that direction. (I am truly a clueless male in these kinds of things.) I jerked my hands away and said, “I’m married!”

She said, with a wink, “Oh, that’s OK. We don’t have to tell anybody.”

I fled. My sister passed her exam. And my wife was amused by my little life event. 

My affections are for one person and one person only. I will only drink water from my own cistern. 

Recalibrate: If you are a married person how do you keep from wandering in your affections? 

Respond: Pray these words: “Lord, keep my heart pure and my motives in tact. Keep my love for my betrothed alive and interesting.” 

Research: Read 7 Habits That Keep Couples Faithful, According to Marriage Counsellors by Kristine Fellizar. 

Remember:  “For human ways are under the eyes of the Lord and He examines all their paths” (Proverbs 5:21, NRSV).

Mark Witas is the lead pastor at Sunnyside Adventist Church in Portland, Oregon.

Make your child’s favorite meal together, then enjoy eating it. For several years I worked in an early learning center in the four-year-olds room. It was the best time (and sometimes the worst time). These little wonders shared everything and nothing. The one thing they were not allowed to share was  food and drink. What was sent from home was meant for them and for no one else. Why? Because at home the food was prepared especially for them by people who love them. What one child can eat without any problems another child can eat and become gravely ill. As you prepare food today know that God has a plan prepared for us. The ingredients are in play and the recipe is good. Stick to the plan.

What has been your favorite part of school this week? What has been your least favorite part? School is such a great place to learn and grow, but it can also be hard to listen all day long. Proverbs 5:13-14 talks to us about our teachers, saying, “I would not listen to my teachers. I paid no attention to what they taught me. I have come very close to being completely ruined in front of a whole group of people.” What happens when you don’t listen to your teacher? I know that whenever I didn’t listen in school I did poorly on my tests or didn’t know when to turn in my homework. Make a list of all of your teachers. Some might be from school, and some might be people in your life that help you learn and grow. Write thank-you cards to all the people who teach you!

Imagine for a moment that you met someone with a sign hanging around their neck that said, “If you talk to me, I will punch you in the forehead.” Would a wise person talk to them? Definitely not. Unfortunately for all of us, people don’t wear signs like this. This means we are left to guess about what might happen if we approach them or say anything to them. Now, for the most part, you’re pretty safe talking to the people around you. But sometimes, what you perceive to be a safe situation is not safe at all. 

Last week in the States, people celebrated Halloween by dressing up in costumes and going door-to-door seeking tricks and treats. It’s the one day where it is totally acceptable to walk up to a stranger’s door dressed as a zombie, and not be pummeled for it! Not only are you safe to do this, but you will almost certainly walk away with a sack full of chocolate bars! 

As of November 1, everyone had packed away their scary costumes and gone back to being afraid of wandering into the neighbor’s yard or hitting a ball over the fence. But for one day each year, we are allowed to break the rules about talking to strangers and taking candy from them. 

So which decision is a wise one? To be cautious around people unless it’s October 31? To always be cautious? Or to always be trusting? 

Solomon says there are people around whom you need to keep your guard up. But how do you choose who to trust when no one is wearing a sign (or a costume)? What does your intuition say? And how do you know to trust it? More tomorrow . . .

There are things you should keep to yourself. I will be the first to say that there have been times when I have shared far too much with far too many people. I have an open heart and I wear it on my sleeve. This can get me in trouble because when too many people know too much, judgement can seep in if they don’t know your heart.

What have you shared with others to a fault? We all have something. Time? Money? Sex? Problems?

Have you shared those things with God as much as you have with people? Some things may seem weird to share with God. Remember this: He cares for you. Every detail is important to Him. It can be very easy to talk about God more than you talk to Him. Let’s not fall into that pattern! It’s just so much better to keep Him in the loop.

Zan Long is GRC director for faith development for ages 0-17. She lives in Sydney, Australia, and serves at her local church in nearby Kellyville.
Jessyka Dooley is assistant youth director for the Rocky Mountain Conference of Seventh-day Adventists in Denver, Colorado.
J. Murdock is associate pastor at Boulder Adventist Church in Boulder, Colorado, where he focuses on youth and young adult ministry.
Kyle Smith is the associate pastor of youth and family ministries at New Haven Adventist Church in Overland Park, Kansas.