Series: Love Glue
Message: Glue Stick: Apply With Care
Preacher: Japhet De Oliveira
Reflection: Mike Speegle
Live Wonder: Zan Long
Live Adventure: Zan Long
Live Beyond: Brandon Kharns
Live Purpose: Vanessa Rivera
Editor: Becky De Oliveira

Refresh: Begin with prayer. Ask for the Holy Spirit to open your heart to new understanding and for God’s character to be revealed.

Read: Ephesians 5:21-33  in The Message (MSG). Note 1–3 insights or questions. 

Reflect: If you’re not a husband, skip today because Paul is writing specifically to husbands and no one else. Just as I wrote yesterday to wives, remember, if it wasn’t written to you, it isn’t for you.

When Paul first wrote these words, they had the opposite effect on his readers. Today when we read them, some women get upset about the idea of submitting to their husbands. “Who does Paul think he is? He wasn’t even married.” In Paul’s day,  women knew their place because everyone knew their place (just a fact and not a statement of support for the particulars of that place). In fact, the people who were bothered by Paul’s words weren’t the wives but the husbands. You may think, “Why would they be bothered? Paul told their wives to be submissive.” The reason is found in the profound and scary command that’s found in Verse 25: “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her” (Ephesians 5:25, EXB).

Go back and reread that sentence again and take it all of its ramifications. A husband is to love completely, in a way that is always about what’s best for her not him. He suffers, dies, ceases to exist for her. Jesus has done everything He can for His church—living, dying, coming back to life, and now interceding. Covering all of her shortcomings, showing her mercy even though she doesn’t deserve it, extending grace even though she can’t do it all . . . Jesus loves the church with an everlasting love.

In today’s version, Eugene Peterson puts it this way: “Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything He does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness.”

Paul doesn’t leave it at that. He comes back one more time in Verse 33 (EXB): “To sum up, each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself . . .” Most of us are pretty good at that (the loving ourselves part). We know what we want, how we want it, when we want it. We want respect, we want her to think we’re the man, to support us, encourage us. To respond to our desires, stroke our egos, make us happy.

Let me finish today the same way I did yesterday (since you didn’t read it because you aren’t a wife). What you invest in your marriage, and how you invest it, is what you will get back. Bottom line: if you don’t, you won’t.

There’s a biblical idea that says you can’t reap what you don’t sow. Submission isn’t  about control; it’s about a choice we all make about how we will treat and respond to our wives. Think about how you’d like to be treated and then do that for the woman in your life. Having mutual respect for each other is one of the healthiest things you can do for your relationship.

Recalibrate: How well do I love my spouse like I love myself?

Respond: Father, help me to see his or her needs as important as my needs.

Research: Take two minutes and read this article about asking a simple question.

Remember: “Be willing to obey each other. Do this because you respect Christ” (Ephesians 5:21, ICB).

Mike Speegle is the lead pastor for New Hope, an exciting, young, multi-ethnic Adventist Church in Fulton, Maryland. Mike became a follower of Jesus and an Adventist in his early 20s. Pacific Union College was the first Adventist school he ever attended; he met his wife Lorie there. Mike has pastored for 30+ years, served in the Ministerial Association of the General Conference, and has written a book, Big Questions, as well as a number of articles.

Water play is so much fun. Do this in the bathtub or use a large tub outside. With your little one, place things in the water and see which ones float or sink. Notice that the ones that float aren’t covered in water but the ones that sink are. Imagine that the water is God’s love for you. Would you rather float or sink? Watch this video. Sink deep in love today.

Play with some Lego. Imagine if Lego pieces could choose to not fit in with the other pieces. What if you bought a brand new Lego set and a bunch of the pieces said, “No way! We are not connecting with those other pieces of Lego!” Imagine that every person ever born was designed to make something amazing together with the people around them. In God’s plan, this is what we are made to do. This is what is so cool about playing with Lego—all the pieces work together.

Today’s text is the kicker—you ready? Here it is: “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.” No, Paul is not saying, “Boys rule and girls drool.” (I really hope you are not still on that nonsense, by the way.) What Paul is saying is—you guessed it—humility. Even though it sounds like it, Paul is not suggesting that marriage means that the guy is allowed to be a dictator, but I’m getting ahead of myself now. Paul is also not saying that marriage is a lifelong prison sentence for women. I know of way too many instances where women stay in abusive relationships because of this text, and men justify treating their wife or girlfriend badly because of this. This is not the point. Seriously, that is not OK.

One of the most popular books ever written about marriage is called Love and Respect. The basic point of it is that women mostly crave love in a romantic relationship and men want respect. But Paul figured that out a long time ago. I think what he’s trying to say in this is that women should respect their husband. I think that applies to boyfriends as well. Men feel respected when they know that the one they love trusts them. Ladies, trust the man that you are with, but only be with someone who is worthy of trust. If you can’t trust a guy, don’t date him, and certainly don’t marry him. Don’t ever settle for someone who pushes you to do things physically you don’t want to do, who yells at you, puts you down, or insults you. God thinks you are awesome—so should your boyfriend. Guys, your turn is next. See you tomorrow.

Husbands are instructed to love completely. Imagine loving someone completely. Every bit of them. Every good thing and every bad thing. When I see people love on pets, this is actually what I think about. They seem to happily pick up their poop or take them on walks in the cold. It’s this complete commitment to the relationship. In a loving relationship, you choose to love that person. While we grow to love God, God has already chosen to love us and He is loving on us like we can’t even imagine. Consider this passage as you explore the relationships with the special people in your life.

Zan Long is GRC director for faith development groups. She lives in Sydney, Australia, and serves at her local church in nearby Kellyville.
Brandon Kharns is the family life pastor at Placerville Seventh-day Adventist church in the Sierra Nevada foothills of California near Lake Tahoe. 
Vanessa Rivera is a therapist in a community mental health center in Denver, CO, and serves as the lead elder for Live Purpose at Boulder Church.