Series: Love Glue
Message: Sticky Recipe: Making Something That Lasts
Preacher: Japhet De Oliveira
Reflection: Mike Speegle
Live Wonder: Zan Long
Live Adventure: Zan Long
Live Beyond: Brandon Kharns
Live Purpose: Vanessa Rivera
Editor: Becky De Oliveira
Refresh: Begin with prayer. Ask for the Holy Spirit to open your heart to new understanding and for God’s character to be revealed.
Read: 1 Corinthians 13:1-13 in the English Standard Version (ESV). Note 1–3 insights or questions.
Reflect: Falling in love is easy (you’ve probably done it a bunch of times). It feels sooo good and it’s so easy to think about the person you are in love with all the time. Staying in love isn’t so easy. It doesn’t always feel that good. In fact, sometimes it’s really challenging. Once the initial glow of new love wears off, when the stuff she does isn’t as as cute as it was at first or the way he acts isn’t as attractive as you originally thought, that’s when the reality and challenge of staying in love hits home.
Some of us, because of how we were raised and because of the things we experienced, how we’re wired, don’t want to “tough it out.” We just want out. Sometimes staying in love feels impossible. That’s why it requires a plan. And based on what Paul wrote, here are some relation-tips:
Verb love
The concept of love can be really difficult for some of us because we’ve never seen, experienced, or learned what real love looks like. So we focus on the external qualities of love: It’s a feeling, it’s an experience, it’s a moment, it’s a thing. And we miss that it’s really a series of actions that are based on something internal. Love in a relationship isn’t just about choosing the right person (though that is incredibly important); it’s about becoming that right person (which is why Chapter 13 is so helpful).
Put them first
In order to have a plan and work that plan, you need to first know and evaluate how your relationship is currently going. So take another moment to re-read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. Did you notice how “them-centered” it is? There’s a reason for that; love is never about you (though it feels good to you). It’s about the one being loved. To put it simply: be interested in things that are interesting to the person you are interested in.
Fill the gaps
Every relationship has gaps—those scary spaces between what’s expected and what actually happens. You’ve had to fill in those gaps and others have filled them in for you . . . and both will happen again (and again).
So when the inevitable happens, you have to make a very important choice: believe the best or assume the worst. Believe the best—trust that there is a reasonable explanation for their behavior—or assume the worst and jump to the worst-case explanation when the gap between expectation and reality appears.
In 1 Corinthians 13, Paul gives us language to flesh out what believing the best looks like, what love looks like (and does) in those gap moments. To do that in a relationship communicates that “even before I hear your explanation, I trust you.”
Recalibrate: What do I normally fill the gaps in my relationships with? Is my default to believe the best or do I normally assume the worst? Why is that? And if I don’t like the answer, how do I change that about myself?
Respond: Admit to God your shortcomings in your approach to relationships and loving, and ask Him to help you come up with a plan of re-engagement.
Research: Here are some ideas on what you can do for each other.
Remember: “Love is patient and kind” (1 Corinthians 13:4, ICB).
Mike Speegle is the lead pastor for New Hope, an exciting, young, multi-ethnic Adventist Church in Fulton, Maryland. Mike became a follower of Jesus and an Adventist in his early 20s. Pacific Union College was the first Adventist school he ever attended; he met his wife Lorie there. Mike has pastored for 30+ years, served in the Ministerial Association of the General Conference, and has written a book, Big Questions, as well as a number of articles.
Try building something out of blocks with your little one. Dump the blocks on the floor and sit with your child, showing them how to stack the blocks on top of each other. Talk about what you are building together. If and when your amazing construction (that is the ninth wonder of the world) falls down, don’t get upset or blame someone for knocking it over. Lead your little one in how to pick up what you have and keep building.
What do you think “patient and kind” means? Have you ever felt jealous? What does “jealous” even mean? Have you ever been angry or rude or selfish? Count how many times the word “love” appears in the verses below and know that you are loved a billion times more than that. “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud. Love is not rude, is not selfish, and does not become angry easily. Love does not remember wrongs done against it. Love takes no pleasure in evil, but rejoices over the truth. Love patiently accepts all things. It always trusts, always hopes, and always continues strong” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7, ICB).
So, how did it go? I mean the experiment from yesterday. If you are like most of the kids I work with then I know the story well. You will slump a little in your seat as you admit in an intentionally dopey voice, “I forgot . . .” Hey, if that’s you, pick up your head and move on. You have time to try it again. Sit down and make a list of excuses. Yes, seriously. I want you to write down why it didn’t work. Like maybe you forgot. You got to school and were so distracted with your classes and friends you completely forgot. I get it; I’m not perfect either. Now I want you to go down your list of excuses and come up with ways that you can keep that from happening again. So, if you just forgot, write something on the back of your hand with a Sharpie, or put the list in your pocket, or tell a friend what you are trying to do and have them remind you. You are smart—I bet you can come up with a solution to even the most impossible-seeming situation. Now go do it. Revise your plan from yesterday if necessary, and give it another go. I have faith in you.
If you did accomplish your plan from yesterday, way to go! Seriously, it is always difficult to get rolling on that first day. Sit down and write some thoughts. If you have a journal, this would be a great place to write. How did it go? Was it what you expected or different somehow? Was it easier or harder than you thought it would be? Did it make a difference? Now I want you to go back to that list from Monday. You can make a different plan, or you can start over completely with something else you want to work on for today (or tomorrow if you do this at night). Good luck!
If you’re reading this and you’re 13-17 years old, then according to the Barna Group, 45% of you use social media every day. When you’re on social media, 91% of you use it to talk with your friends or relatives. It’s interesting how one of our main ways of communicating now is through a screen. Have you ever had an argument over written messages? It’s horrible. You’re waiting for the other person to type. Depending on the social media app you’re using, you can just see the message was read but you’re not sure if the other person plans to reply. You send lengthy messages back and forth. Sometimes you’re trying to communicate something but the other person takes it the wrong way, so now you’re arguing about something else within the already ongoing argument. It’s OK to have a problem with someone and try to work it out, but there are healthy ways to do it. When you’re sending messages to people, use this week’s passage to test it out. Are your messages communicating patience? Are they showing kindness to others? Are you making sure you’re not being rude?
Zan Long is GRC director for faith development groups. She lives in Sydney, Australia, and serves at her local church in nearby Kellyville.
Brandon Kharns is the family life pastor at Placerville Seventh-day Adventist church in the Sierra Nevada foothills of California near Lake Tahoe.
Vanessa Rivera is a therapist in a community mental health center in Denver, CO, and serves as the lead elder for Live Purpose at Boulder Church.