Series: Love Glue
Message: Sticky Recipe: Making Something That Lasts
Preacher: Japhet De Oliveira
Reflection: Mike Speegle
Live Wonder: Zan Long
Live Adventure: Zan Long
Live Beyond: Brandon Kharns
Live Purpose: Vanessa Rivera
Editor: Becky De Oliveira

Refresh: Begin with prayer. Ask for the Holy Spirit to open your heart to new understanding and for God’s character to be revealed.

Read: 1 Corinthians 13:1-13 in the New International Version (NIV). Note 1–3 insights or questions. 

Reflect: We’ve all stood there as a couple goes back and forth as they tell a story, correcting each other on the smallest of details: “It was Tuesday.” “No, it was Wednesday.” “They weren’t black; they were a very dark blue.” “You were going to the grocery store, not Home Depot.”

And if you’re like me, you’ve thought, “What difference does it make? Just let him or her tell the story. Besides it’s not that important what day it was, what color it was, or where they were headed (it’s not even that interesting a story).”

But there’s something in us that wants to be right, needs to be right, has to correct, to point out errors, has to the one who has the definitive answer (especially about this right now). In the process, we’ve made our boyfriend/girlfriend/mom/dad/brother/ sister/spouse/friend look bad and ourselves look not so good either.

Every time you have to be right, even when you are justified and correct, you contribute to the demise of the relationship. Think about that last sentence for a moment, then think back to the moment when you were correcting someone you love. In that moment, your focus wasn’t on the relationship but on you: you being correct, you being right, you looking smarter, you appearing in control, you having the upper hand . . . you. And you doesn’t, and won’t, make for a very fulfilling, long-lasting relationship for anyone.

Recalibrate: What’s a better way to handle the situation when your boyfriend/ girlfriend/spouse/etc. gets the details wrong, mixing up the facts, messing up the story? Are you willing to try that better way next time this happens? Are you, in the meantime, willing to apologize for how you treated them that last time?

Respond: Confession is not only “good for the soul,”but  it’s also good for relationships. Especially if you really mean it and repent (make a U-turn) and take a different approach the next time—and then the next time. Anyone you should confess to today?

Research: Take two minutes to read and consider five myths about marriage.

Remember: “Love is patient and kind” (1 Corinthians 13:4, ICB).

Mike Speegle is the lead pastor for New Hope, an exciting, young, multi-ethnic Adventist Church in Fulton, Maryland. Mike became a follower of Jesus and an Adventist in his early 20s. Pacific Union College was the first Adventist school he ever attended; he met his wife Lorie there. Mike has pastored for 30+ years, served in the Ministerial Association of the General Conference, and has written a book, Big Questions, as well as a number of articles.

Make a love heart out of a piece of card and write your child’s name and your own name on the heart. If you have a popsicle stick, tape your heart to the stick. If your little one is old enough, make a game of giving the heart stick to the other when you want to tell them something. Love listens. Love is patient, love is kind. When we listen with our eyes and ears our little ones—and even our big ones—feel loved.

What words would you use to describe what love is? Draw a big love heart and fill it with the words that you know. Think about the ways you can show and tell someone that you love them.

All right—here we are again. This is the point where I start feeling like a broken record. (Not that you have ever experienced a broken record—I’m not that old either.) It’s time to think about yesterday’s activity. I hope that for those of you who didn’t quite make it happen on Day One that Day Two was a winner. If not, go back to yesterday and repeat. No shame—keep plugging away until you get it right.

If you did accomplish your goal, pull out a piece of paper and write down some thoughts. How is this experiment going? (“Good” is not an adequate answer. Neither is “fine.”) Is it making a difference? Why? How do you feel about all of this? Be honest. If you lie, you’re just cheating yourself out of the experience. And don’t forget the whole point of this is to get closer to God. God is love, remember? The better you love, the closer to God you will be and the better you can hear His voice. I like thinking about experiments like this by talking to God about them. Sometimes I write in my journal (hey, some of history’s most manly men kept journals!) as a letter to God, or sometimes I go to a quiet place to talk to God out loud. Make sure you find a place where no one can hear you, otherwise people will think you are nuts. (Maybe they already think so, but you don’t want to confirm their suspicions.)

Afterward, you will do one more day of the great love glue experiment. No awkward physical contact necessary. By now you should know the routine. Make your plan and do it. If it’s starting to feel easy, step up the difficulty. Congrats, you have just leveled up!

So I was reading this book on how to make people like you (don’t laugh too hard) and I totally remember reading about how much people hate being corrected. I mean, just think about how frustrating it is to get back graded homework with red pen marks all over it. Some teachers know how frustrating this is so they’re now grading papers with green ink on purpose so it doesn’t feel so bad. But even beyond homework, having someone tell you you’re wrong to your face isn’t the greatest feeling. I’m going to admit this to you all: I have been the person who corrects others so many times. When I read this part of that book, I thought, “Oh, I love correcting people and being right!” and as I kept reading, I thought, “Oh, I hate being corrected.” In that moment I realized I didn’t enjoy what I did to others. Isn’t that strange? Focusing on our own needs and on putting ourselves first can be a trap that causes us to treat others poorly. Consider this the next time you make a decision that can impact someone else.

Zan Long is GRC director for faith development groups. She lives in Sydney, Australia, and serves at her local church in nearby Kellyville.
Brandon Kharns is the family life pastor at Placerville Seventh-day Adventist church in the Sierra Nevada foothills of California near Lake Tahoe. 
Vanessa Rivera is a therapist in a community mental health center in Denver, CO, and serves as the lead elder for Live Purpose at Boulder Church.